Reader’s Digest

I recently received a copy of Reader’s Digest in the mail.  It was from the publisher, attempting to convince me to order a subscription.  I have received sample copies of other periodicals as an inducement to subscribe, but usually those are fake issues, essentially one giant advertisement.  This was a full version of the current issue of Reader’s Digest.

Perusing it was visiting with an old friend.  I read the magazine regularly as a child.  I can’t remember whether we subscribed, only that I read it often.  It is amazing how many of the features are unchanged, even though I haven’t read the magazine in decades.

The articles remain short, punchy.  Many have a positive message.  It is obvious that this is not a news magazine.  The first article was Everyday Heroes, about a WWII veteran who paints portraits of fallen soldiers that he sends to their families for free.  Another described a boy’s triumph over Kleefstra syndrome, a genetic disorder that fewer than 100 people in the world are diagnosed with.

There are many regular features that allow readers to send in stories to be published – Your True Stories, Life in These United States, All in a Day’s Work, Laughter is the Best Medicine, and Humor in Uniform.  If the story is printed, the writer receives $100.  I remember sending in a couple as a child.  The going rate then, which I never received, was $25.

Points to Ponder was familiar, it consists of excerpts published elsewhere that engender thought.  Here’s one from Christian Tetzlaff, a violinist:  “Music is humans’ most advanced achievement.  Trying to turn lead into gold is nothing compared to taking something mechanical like an instrument—a string and a bow—and using it to evoke a human soul.”

It’s an interesting sentiment, but the last time I checked, nobody has been able to turn lead or anything else into gold.  Meanwhile, quite a few songs have been written.  In 2006, Google Answers estimated that 16 million songs have been written in the U.S. and 30 million more have been written in the rest of the world.  http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview?id=720948  More recently (2011), some dude on Quora estimated the number of songs at over 623 million, with a new song written every two minutes.  https://www.quora.com/How-many-songs-in-total-have-humans-created-that-we-can-listen-to  I’m guessing the real answer is somewhere in between.  Though not all songs “evoke a human soul,” certainly more do than there have been successful attempts to create gold.

There was a fun feature on which thing is germier: for example, food that has fallen on the floor or food that has fallen into a sink.  Or having a cockroach on your food or a fly.  Another article highlighted health hacks that work, for instance, some researchers in the Netherlands determined that wearing socks during sex improves it.  There were a couple of medical features.  There were random comments and advice.  Did you know that 16 pennies laid end to end measures exactly a foot?  Sink and fly are germier.

Naturally, there was the oldest and most faithful of all the old friends:  Word Power.  My memory suggests that this feature has not aged a day, still 15 words to define from among three multiple choice answers.  I remember yearning for and never achieving a perfect score.  Finally 40 years later, I went 15 for 15.  And none of them were that hard.  I’m no smarter, but I sure have absorbed a lot of words on my journey.

The biggest feature, and the longest title, in this issue was The Reader’s Digest Complete Guide to Witticisms Quips Retorts Rejoinders and Pithy Replies for Every Occasion.  I have chosen three quotes from among many gems.  British actor Shane Richie said, “I don’t believe in reincarnation, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster.”  The absurdly great Oscar Wilde said, “To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.”   The famous if seldom read Samuel Johnson said, “He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.”

The 144 page issue was chockerblock with articles and features.  It was a fun read and I’m glad I went through the entire issue.  I’m unlikely to subscribe because I usually look for slightly meatier stuff to read, but it sure was enjoyable taking a nostalgic tour through the pages of an icon.  If you see a copy in your travels, flip through it and see what old friends you can find.