Approximately a year ago,[1] I introduced the highly anticipated (by me) Misery Index, designed to assess how anguished various cities are (or should be) based on the performance of their professional sports teams. I made several disclaimers, which still apply.[2] The most important things to remember are that this is just for fun, the numbers aren’t precise, and the overall concept may not even be accurate – though I think it’s reasonable.
One obvious issue with my “analysis” is that it is city based. Some cities have multiple teams in a single sport – Angels/Dodgers, Giants/Jets. That the Cubs won the most recent World Series is good for Cubs fans and good for Chicago (according to the Misery Index), but might actually have added to the misery of some White Sox fans, not detracted from it. There are too many combinations for me to consider them all, so I focused on cities with more than one professional team.[3] I made that decision in part because I live in a sea of Cleveland fans, who were in the midst of a decades-long championship drought, which mercifully ended.
Four more championships have been contested since the Cavs won. The Chicago Cubs, New England Patriots, Pittsburgh Penguins, and Golden State Warriors won the last four major league championships. Those cities are not miserable and they weren’t before. They have all won multiple championships in the last 20 years and are now the four least miserable cities in the country according to my hyper-sophisticated algorithm.
The Misery Index is available below. It is based solely on the number and recency of professional sports championships. I express no opinion about the air quality, traffic, education system, or any other characteristic of the cities on the list.
Column 1 is the city (pretty obvious) with the number of franchises in that city from 1950 through 2017.
Column 2 is the total number of championships won by that city.
Column 3 is the number of years since the last championship.
Column 4 is the cumulative seasons since the last championshiop.
Column 5 is a composite of columns 2, 3, & 4.
| City | Total | Since | Cum. | Index |
| San Diego (4) | 1 | 55 | 110 | 102 |
| Buffalo (3) | 2 | 52 | 106 | 95 |
| Vancouver (2) | 0 | 46 | 52 | 94 |
| Milwaukee (3) | 2 | 45 | 90 | 90 |
| Atlanta (4) | 1 | 19 | 78 | 87 |
| Arizona/Phoenix (4) | 1 | 16 | 64 | 83 |
| Nashville/Tennessee (2) | 0 | 18 | 38 | 83 |
| Washington (6) | 4 | 26 | 91 | 82 |
| Cincinnati (3) | 3 | 28 | 56 | 80 |
| Minneaplis/Minnesota (5) | 5 | 26 | 104 | 80 |
| Brooklyn (2) | 1 | 63 | 7 | 76 |
| Houston (4) | 4 | 23 | 61 | 74 |
| Charlotte/Carolina (3) | 1 | 12 | 36 | 72 |
| Tampa (3) | 2 | 13 | 48 | 72 |
| Toronto (4) | 7 | 22 | 66 | 69 |
| New Jersey (2) | 3 | 15 | 29 | 61 |
| New Orleans (3) | 1 | 7 | 13 | 58 |
| Montreal (2) | 18 | 25 | 37 | 54 |
| Indianapolis (2) | 4 | 11 | 22 | 53 |
| Philadelphia (5) | 8 | 8 | 32 | 45 |
| Seattle (4) | 2 | 3 | 7 | 44 |
| Detroit (4) | 15 | 9 | 36 | 44 |
| Dallas/Texas (6) | 8 | 6 | 24 | 41 |
| St. Louis (5) | 7 | 5 | 14 | 39 |
| Miami/Florida (4) | 7 | 4 | 16 | 38 |
| Kansas City (4) | 3 | 1 | 3 | 34 |
| New York (8) | 33 | 5 | 35 | 33 |
| Denver/Colorado (4) | 5 | 1 | 6 | 31 |
| Baltimore (4) | 8 | 4 | 7 | 31 |
| Cleveland (3) | 5 | 1 | 3 | 28 |
| Los Angeles (9) | 22 | 4 | 17 | 28 |
| San Francisco (3) | 8 | 2 | 5 | 26 |
| Chicago (7) | 14 | 0 | 3 | 14 |
| Oakland (3) | 9 | 0 | 0 | 12 |
| Pittsburgh (3) | 14 | 0 | 0 | 11 |
| Boston/New England (5) | 28 | 0 | 2 | 8 |
San Diego has won one championship (in the AFL) in the last 55 years.[4] It has been 110 cumulative seasons since that shining moment. Their football team recently packed up and moved to Los Angeles, joining the basketball Clippers, who left San Diego in 1984.[5] San Diego’s professional sports misery is well-earned, matched (perhaps) only by Cleveland’s as the Browns were leaving town.
Buffalo isn’t far behind, with two AFL championships and a mere 106 cumulative seasons since the last one. Because they have lake-effect weather, they are probably actually more miserable than residents of San Diego, but my system does not account for weather.
A championship-free Vancouver is third. And the baseball Braves-propelled Milwaukee and Atlanta are fourth and fifth. Buffalo also had a Braves team – in the NBA.
These five cities were among the six most miserable in my first rankings. The Cavaliers win vaulted Cleveland well into the ranks of the non-miserable. As proof that my system is reasonable, I can attest that there was no angst this year when the Cavs lost in the NBA finals. Cleveland fans are no longer miserable, unless the only team they root for is the Browns. Another big riser is Pittsburgh, whose consecutive Stanley Cup victories jumped them from 13th to 2nd (in non-misery).
Boston retained the top spot thanks to the Patriots adding another Super Bowl championship. Oakland, Chicago, and San Francisco rounded out the first top five and remain in this top five as well. It’s much harder to move down than to move up. Long droughts can end suddenly, but they take time to accumulate. Just ask the fine folks in Buffalo and San Diego whose misery has been building relentlessly year after year. If they remain without a recent championship, Buffalo is destined to pass San Diego, which now has only one team.
Expect another update in about a year.
[1] June 9, 2016 at 10:06 p.m. to be exact
[2] The disclaimers are available at https://www.notesfromnokomis.com/?p=482 .
[3] My own favorite teams in the four major leagues are illustrative: Boston Red Sox and Celtics, Columbus Blue Jackets, Dallas Cowboys.
[4] The American Football League existed as an independent entity with its own championship for six years from 1960-1965. It remained independent for the next four years. During that time, its playoff winner played the playoff winner of the National Football League in the Super Bowl for the championship of professional football. In 1970, the leagues merged.
[5] If you are unusually knowledgeable or nerdy (I am the latter), you don’t need me to tell you that the Chargers spent their first year in the AFL in Los Angeles. So their recent move is a homecoming of sorts – just don’t tell that to San Diegans.